Thanks for the Ask. I have heard the saying “there is no right way to do BDSM”, to which I agree. That being said, I do believe there is a “wrong” way, and that is one where you don’t communicate.
When it comes to training, also known in the non-kink world as psychological conditioning, you need to look at it like this: this is some serious shit. I implore you if planning on ever considering training you read, a lot, about it.
On the Dom, he sounds like a tool if you ask me. If he wants that type of a dynamic, he should be seeking it with a seasoned sub, or communicate this with you in detail before he starts in on the training talk – which he is not. Problem is, no seasoned sub would fall for that crap and he knows it.
I highly suggest you read this on training. Training is an interesting concept I have read about that a good segment of kinksters do not even practice or feel is necessary, while many swear by it. Like I said, “no right way”. But there is a lot of good info in that link, and one thing that does not exist, the encouragement of non-communication.
I personally think people who use silence as a punishment are morons. Communication is a centerpiece of my D/s relationship; I want her opinion. I’d never punish for it. I may not want her telling me how to do tasks or guidance, because that is my responsibility, but I would never ignore her.
I could see the “speak when spoken to” thing fun in play but in the relationship itself? I don’t know. I don’t see how that is healthy. Seems like a weak characteristic in a dom to be afraid of his sub speaking at all; just my two hundred cents.