You know, I always try and find that funny meme for each Ask. But this one, just made me want to give you a big hug.
My advice is seek help for yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you. Friends. Loved ones. Don’t have friends? You do now. I am more that willing to chat with you.
Also, don’t look for a Dominant, or man in general. Just look for a friend and work on getting better and he will surface. I personally am a “caring and supportive Dominant” man; I would only want to be with a girl who found value in herself, so I suggest you work on that part, if that is it. Physically illnesses? I am a caregiver, so that part would never make me shy away and any man it would is a shitbag anyways.