I see myself as an amateur D/s erotica writer of personal musings, short stories, and eventually novellas and novels, who is still developing a craft, but I am no expert on D/s relationships and I do not want to appear to be or be seen as a source for advising on D/s dynamics in D/s relationships.
I really try my best to steer clear of giving D/s advice on relationships and more complex concepts such as the Collaring, DD/lg, Ownership, Master/slave, so I stick to the physical aspects of what drives me inside in a sexual aspect only, such as eating a woman, multiple orgasms, passion, love, and things of that nature – you know, things I am an expert on.
But I am far more complex of an individual, as we all are, than just “getting off” though; there are plenty of D/s things I am discovering as well, but I am not an old hand at that stuff so I shut the fuck up when it deals with a real person’s life.
The reason why I try to avoid most D/s advice is this – we all are growing and what I felt a year ago has changed on some issues, so why the fuck would I weigh in on a personal matter of somebody else if I am still growing, learning and developing, and my growth is underway.
I look back and cringe at myself because there was a time where I thought lowly of women saying they were ‘owned’, or using the word Master, or the DD/lg little girl dynamic with her Daddy. What the fuck was I thinking to have an opinion about shit I didn’t know firsthand, let alone hadn’t even taken the time to fully understand and read up on or talk to a person who lived that lifestyle? I guess I am just glad now to not be that guy anymore.
So I wised up. I know now it is really irresponsible of people to give advice on these D/s relationships unless they have been around the game awhile and speak from experience. So I pipe the fuck down and I read the blogs of the guys and girls who have been doing it a long time and have the experience. People who I respect their opinions because they are ripe with wisdom. I read books and articles, and most of all I apply my common sense.
When people ask me questions that are outside my element – I speak on behalf of me, my gut feelings, what my common sense tells me, and usually deflect that question elsewhere if it is outside my experiences. Or at least I try to now.
Now, that being said, a little bit on common sense, because it seems like some people still lack it…
Far too often I receive a question where the submissive is treated like shit by some douchebag with a flogger, trying to convince her that his lack of respect for her inner self is “part of the game” as he shuts down all communication with her and dismisses all of her concerns and worries.
Even I, somebody who has been down this road less than 10 years now, knows that is just total fucking nonsense.
Some people are just selfish assholes. Doms, as well as subs, are not free of this judgment just because they are more ‘new age’ in their sexual and relationship preferences.
This goes back to the Golden Rule. Treat people with respect when their feelings are in play. Plain and simple.
If you are not being treated with respect – shit is not right and you should trust your gut – because one thing I do know for certain, is that D/s combined with respect and deep feelings is very very real.
And my God is it beautiful.
Also published on Medium.