I remember when I started this blog a year and a half ago, I toyed with several blog names. It wasn’t my first time at the blog rodeo and I knew I wanted something that would feel like a brand, yet still express something personal.
By the way, the Blog Rodeo has to be the nerdiest rodeo in the entire world, as far rodeos go, which are already pretty lame. I imagine HTML and embed codes take the place of hot chicks in leather and cool guys riding bulls. Yep, the attendees at the Blog Rodeo are a shameful bunch, indeed.
Anyways, what the fuck was I saying?
Oh yeah. Choosing a blog name. The internal dialogue went something like this: “Come on, dude, dig deep and let’s come up with something catchy. How’s ‘Rough and Passionate’ sound? Eh, that’s a fucking dud. What about ‘The Passionate Dominant?’. I am after all, passionate and dominant. Makes sense. Let’s try that. Clickety-clack into the Tumblr box and then ‘Ah, fuck! Looks like that is already taken’.
Ok. You get the point people. Picking a blog name sucks balls when you want it to be concise, descriptive of who you are, yet seared into people’s skulls like a fucking 16-hour day in front of the TV.
Anyways, I found myself settling on “The Romantic Dominant”, all while not realizing I was never a fuckin Dom in the first place. Not in the way I use the word. I was essentially what most people in D/s-ville would consider a Top.
If there is not a more lame word in the dictionary. I mean it effectively is the synonym to ‘spinner’, which pretty much might be the other lamest word.
But that is what I was. A Top.
I liked rough sex. I got really fucking good at it too. Even some bondage and other filthy kinkery, but I was no Dom, even though I didn’t know it yet.
Now here’s where all the word police tell me about labels and shit. Just submit your complaints to nobodygivesafuck.com and I’ll be sure to get back to you.
Nope. I wasn’t a Dom until you, Kitten.
Yes. This is where the piece starts getting romantic.
Cue the wet knuckles, ladies.
It wasn’t until I realized what it meant to really take the submissive needs of a woman’s psyche and value it for what it is, and in turn, embrace the role of a lead.
To recognize, what was always inside me and natural, as I allowed it to flourish and grow through my bond with you, my dear orange sky.
It is the total vulnerability. It is guidance to you and your submissive journal, giving you the freedom to unleash a level of emotional nakedness and being there to catch every word with attentiveness like never before.
It is the tasks and embracing the gratitude you gain through accomplishing them, seeing what it does to you, and then realizing what it does to me to see what it does to you.
It’s been the passion that is paradoxical to any passion I knew before.
It’s the collar you wear and what it actually signifies to us. That no matter what, through it all, taking it off never even really crosses our minds. That no matter how hard things get, I own you, and the unspoken words are that you own me too.
Whatever it is, the answer is Yes.
And of course, it’s the sex too, if that is what you call it.
It’s when I walk into the room and you talk to me with your scared, adorable, yet loving eyes. It’s when I approach you, pull you into me, I kiss you and you melt like butter, having ached for this moment for so long it tears at our foundation to not be in a permanent embrace.
When I put you on your back and devote my entire self to making you feel the most intense pleasure a woman can feel. When I clasp a collar and leash around your neck and I witness happiness on an indescribable level. When I put my fingers inside you to feel the slickness that has been building in you since I typed these words.
And above all, when I put myself inside you, becoming one with you finally, feeling a sensation come over me as if I am returning home.
Yeah. That’s what it means to me to be your Dom.
I love you, Kitten.