It’s interesting that as I get older, I still find myself discovering very profound and deep parts of who I am, at a very profound and deep level.
This happened today.
Today I realized something I have read about ironically with submissive women, who find themselves without the structure that the once had, before their D/s relationship ended, for whatever reason. What I am going through makes me think of those women, what they went through, and in turn, what their Doms went through. Since Doms tend to be pretty tight-lipped, I can’t really know what they think, and since I am not like most Doms, I can’t really assume it would matter anyway.
You see — I have an ingrained need now to issue tasks and to provide structure.
To say, “at 8pm-ish, go to the restroom and bring your phone, and three lipsticks. Clean them off well first. Put them inside you. Fill your hole, think of me as you do, and when you do, type “My pussy aches for you, Daddy”, into your phone on any app you want. Type it 20 times. No copy/paste. Send it to me or don’t. But when you do it, I want you to touch your clit. I want you to cum. And when you are done, as your orgasm is ending, please close your eyes, and hear my words, in my voice, as I say, “Good Girl.”
This new feeling I feel is somewhat troubling to me; I only shared this with one person and that is the way I’d like it to stay. There is visceral feeling I now know that I never knew before. The need – to be this to you, and in its absence, I am at a loss of how to manage this new feeling.
These parts of a D/s bond cannot be understated. They change everything about the mood you are in for the entire day. How I wake up tomorrow is driven in many ways by this.
There the follow-up conversation that happens that I get excited about. The screenshot that you take of your words that you type. The way it made you feel, My Love.
The way I made you feel.
The way you, make me feel.
There is the tomorrow conversation where I get all the juicy details that it played out a little bit different than how I imagined it, but it is always better, as you raced around doing whatever was necessary to fulfill your tasks for Daddy and the beautiful excitement in your voice. That infectious Good Girl pride, hearing you feel so good inside when you did it.
Those things. Those things are very hard to get past living without now. I wonder what those Doms would say if they were being honest.
I don’t want that with anyone else, so that part is out. But I can’t help but know I want it.
I just want it with you.