Do you have any advice for someone new to a D/s relationship that has hit some rough spots? We were good at first, then communication slowed and it felt we were drifting apart. I have communicated how I feel, interaction improved for a short time. Now it feels we are drifting apart again. My Dom has been in this lifestyle for years, i reach out although our communication has slowed and I'm not getting help from my Dom. I'm new to D/s and not sure where to go for help/advice. Any suggestions?
Well, being “in the lifestyle” for years means absolutely nothing to me as far as I am concerned. I’ve seen thoughtful and attentive young men ask questions about how to do things the right way and I’ve seen “in the lifestyle” idiots cross hard limits with women, so my first piece of advice is: don’t hang your hat on that.
Some people are just selfish; just because they like to choke you when they fuck you, or like issuing tasks, or even journaling, doesn’t make them any less so.
People are people. Some suck. Some don’t.
Regarding your situation and your fear that your relationship is hitting a negative spot that you fear ultimately means doom, I think it’s good for one that you are sensitive enough to spot this, so you should pat yourself on the back for being able to do what a lot people can’t.
I think what you do now is communicate this again, but this time emphasize the severity of what it puts you through to not have good communication. Then you need to work out a manageable amount of communication that works for both of you. Once a day is probably too little; every hour is probably too overwhelming. If you journal, maybe scale back the frequency. You will probably need him half way.
You also should be prepared for him to push back and not want to carry on with you at all anymore or not change things, but “so what” should be your mindset. Do you really want to be in a D/s relationship that puts you in constant toil?
If he cares, it will be shown. Now as for the “topping from the bottom” bullshit, as the Dom, he should have already taken the initiative to make sure communication is on point with you. To me, the health of your relationship is something the sub should always feel free to be open to discuss with her Dom and not feel that there is some power exchange being violated.
Hope that helps.