That’s a great question. Learning about someone before you engage in these types of dynamics is important. While I can’t speak to the Master/slave dynamic you mentioned, I can think of several questions that could give you insight into potential partners.
What is your name? – A pretty basic one, but it can help weed out some fake Doms out there. If you get a response like “You will call me Sir” right off the bat, know you’re dealing with a fake/abusive person. Run away. A real Dom will always be respectful first.
What is the most important lesson you’ve learned? – This one is huge, and answers can vary wildly. Don’t let a fake Dom fool you by saying that they have been in touch with their dominant side since they were born, and as such have been perfect in every relationship they’ve been in. In my experience, Doms evolve and learn as they experience more in the LS/kink scene. No one is perfect, and every person, including Doms, have things they can learn.
What are your soft/hard limits? – Hard to believe, but yes, Doms have limits too. With the exception of very experienced Doms, most will have things they have never tried or things they would be uncomfortable doing without some form of honest feedback.
Do you have experience in XYZ? – Where XYZ is a kink you really enjoy or something you really want to try. If you’re really into choking, and a potential Dom doesn’t have experience in that arena, it may be something you’ll have to teach.
What is something you’ve wanted to try, but haven’t been able to yet? – This question will give you great insight into what they like. And will be a good way to understand if their kinks are similar to yours.
Keep in mind that just like every submissive is different, every Dom is different as well. It’s important to build a repertoire outside of the D/s dynamic to build trust required for the dynamic itself. Happy hunting. ?
I would also like to invite some others to respond to this question.
These are blogs that I frequent often. They contain alot of information and advice. Check them out!
I think it is pretty common for a sub to feel as though they may be “topping from the bottom” or disrupting any future power exchange from the onset by asking questions that really are legitimate, though perceived invasive. In my opinion, so long as the questions that are asked in a context that the Dom understands that he is not being challenged right off the bat, I think it’s important to just ask away to your heart’s desire.
In my opinion, most questions would be fair game in that context. As the relationship progresses, some things will be more clear and you will know what the line in the sand is, but it is the Dom’s job to let you know what that is first. And you can always sidebar out of character in what people refer to as a meta talk or meta-communication, but that is once he actually is “your” Dom. A lot of idiots doms, especially here on this clusterfuck (otherwise known as Tumblr), will think “hey, I am a Dom, you are a sub, so, therefore, you will respect me and listen to my commands”, when they are not “your” dom, so they are really just some dumbass showing their true colors. These guys you run from.
Remember, this is the beginning of the relationship we are talking about, so several things need to be discussed in order to get to know each other. Trying to isolate what those are can take forever though so I am not going to even attempt it. They may be about communication, kinks, personal details, or really anything at all, but just because you are a sub, you should be free to ask them so you can protect yourself, see if you like the guy, etc.
Like @romanticsavage said I think things like a person’s name is a really good example of a way to weed out scum. If this guy plans to ‘own you’ and be inside you, he should be honest with you, period. Hiding his identity if he is trying to establish a D/s relationship with you tells me he is hiding it for a reason, and you should worry. Same with his location, career generalities, age, and other basics that are common dating questions. He doesn’t have to be a saint but he should at minimum be honest with you.
Thank you for the call out, by the way, @romanticsavage ?