Thank you for the Ask. Hopefully women chime in on the comments here because I don’t know what it is like to have a virgin vagina but I imagine part of your issues are (a) a worry about the physical factor and (b) a worry about the psychological factor. Physically, I would think a finger or a small toy would be no big deal and feel great. Mentally, I could see there being an element of “never being penetrated” that you might not realize you don’t want to lose.
Sorry I wish I had a better answer.