Well, Thank You, sincerely, for the Ask and allowing me to read up on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and become a little bit more aware of this illness.
I am truly sorry that you suffer from this and I hope that one day you will come to the comfortable equilibrium within yourself and you will understand, inside and out, that we all have so many imperfections and that they are nothing worthy us allowing them to alter our happiness.
We all only have so much time on this earth; I hope to realize that every single day you should have one goal and only one goal – to be happy.
All the stuff that gets in the way of that should be dropped down in significance when you start looking at life through that prism.
Regarding you saying you suffered also from ED in the past, I think this is probably a combination of fixating on your imperfections and then that probably impacting ED. It sounds like your Beloved is a good guy who loves you so I am sure as long as you keep communication open with him about your own internal dialogue and worries, he will stand by you and things will gradually get better, but there is more too.
My advice is three things. First, communication is key. He needs to know your worries down to the T, and by you letting him know, you are releasing some internal stresses that will probably help your own BDD. He will appreciate it more if he sees how your brain works because the level of intimacy that you are giving him will be something he will have never had elsewhere nor will never get again. Have you considered shared journaling? There are plenty of apps that you can write in that would accomplish this.
Second, you need to talk to a professional, personally. Life’s too short to be in pain, emotionally.
Last, you should read this Ask – which was an attempt from me to advise a person on little habits and things a person can do, every day, to try and just have a happier life. The first thing I do in the morning is wake up and make the bed. Why? Not that I give a shit that the bed is made. But the reason is this: I will have accomplished something before the day even started. It feels good to just get shit done.
No matter what – do things to be happy.
Right now I am enjoying an amazing cup of a 20 dollar bag of coffee after cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry, watching my team on TV, and I’ll be drinking bourbon soon and making the most passionate love any human can make, again, and again, and again, as I did this morning, last night, and all day yesterday, to the woman that makes my motor hum.
Just be happy. All the other stuff is just masturbation.