It’s always a hard one to know how to push a person’s limits or comfortability zones. I would first recommend not seeing your guy “as a Dom”. He a man, with feelings, just like you, and it’s important to see him like that, not like a “type” or a “genre” or something that some dumb novel perpetuates, almost always written by a woman, and not from the internal mind of a man who lives that life. Break down that concept of a Dom in your head; it will get you nowhere. BTW, I am assuming it is a male who you are referring to, but no gender was assigned in your Ask.
See the word dominant as an adjective, not a noun. I realize my blog name is a contradiction of this idea, “The Dominant Romantic” actually makes mores sense, but just know, I am learning too from the time I created the name over a year ago, and blog names are hard to change once you develop a following.
So to get the heart of your Ask – As a woman (assuming again) who enjoys her intimacy to be in a more submissive role, how are you able to unleash a more aggressive, dominant side in your partner? Personally I struggle with the inverse myself at times, so I can just say what I believe to be the right approach, and what has worked for me in the past to cross previous boundaries.
The key is to Talk. Communicate but do so in the right environment and mood. Create a setting where you mention the topic.
You can be the catalyst to get him there; that is how it happened for me. Like 10 years ago I recall hearing “I kinda want you to spank my ass and pull my hair”. I paid no attention to it at first. Eventually, like any other dumb guy, it took a few times to set in. Then, I was hooked once I tried a more aggressive approach in bed. I cannot imagine going back to a laid back tactic now.
Now, I have always been a lit fuse though in bed, even in vanilla days, so maybe that part is just part of who I am. It’s hard to tell a person to be more passionate – that is tough one.
So my point is, don’t lose hope and don’t give up. He may find that once he embraces it, he will love it. Maybe he won’t and that is a different situation, but sometimes it just takes awhile and what you can do in the meantime is talk, be very open about it, and steer him to exploring. You refer to him as a “Dom”, which I assume means he knows about BDSM and such. All you can do is just try and talk to him about being more passionate.