Two score and several months ago, a boy entered this world not much more well-equipped than now to handle the essence of a woman. As I became interested in girls, I recall being extremely nervous when the one I really liked was around.
High school and all the bong loads in the world couldn’t change the effect women had on me. Turning me into a bumbling moron and I was one of the kids who did okay with the girls, nonetheless.
Still, I never was Mr. Cool around them.
Fast forward to a man with a blog who fires off orgasms at his lady like a fucking piñata exploded and I still get that nervous pit in my stomach when the hot girl who just left LA Fitness in her yoga pants looking oh so yummy is standing in front of me in line at Target. (Side note: yes, I am a Target man; damn you Walmartians. I’ll pay the extra money to shop alongside people with shoes on).
But that girl. In line. Why is she looking at me? Is she checking me out? No fucking way. Not her. Oh shit, she is saying something. Fuck. What am I supposed to do?
No worry, dipshit to the rescue. I will gracefully utter “Not Bad” as if she asked how I was doing when she was trying to find out where the local Starbucks is.
Ah fuck. What a moron. Beat red face. When, if not by this age, will I be able to not be mesmerized by the pure essence of raw feminine beauty?
Fuck this. This is not my comfort zone. My comfort zone is way past this. What I’d like to say is…
“Kitten, you have no idea what just being around you does to me. Your face. Your voice. Your smell. Everything about you is like a work of art.”
Then grab her by the neck and push her right into to the self-checkout machine, rip her yoga pants off, eat her pussy until she knocks over everything in reach, finger another orgasm out of her, and bend her right the fuck over until she screams “Daddy” at the top of her lungs. Leave her collapsed on the floor, sucking the cum off my cock and watching her understand how I feel when I see her.
Might get a few complaints but I’m sure she won’t be one of them.
Also published on Medium.