I think my partner has a few Tumblr crushes, they constantly are liking and occasionally commenting on personal dirty photos/posts of other people, do you think that is something to be concerned about or just part of the culture on Tumblr? How do you overcome jealousy and insecurity? Also I love your blog and writings.
Well, first of all, thank you for the ask and compliment on my writings.
I actually know this situation quite well, so I’ve lived it and feel I’ve corrected it, as my Kitten was in your shoes not all that long ago.
I’d just flip through my dashboard not really paying attention to anything and click Like on posts of followers and never even thought twice of what signal that was sent to them. Here I am just some dude with no intention whatsoever of ever knowing them in any real sense, just saying “Like” to a post, which sometimes would be a selfie. It was kind of my way of saying “good for you”, not “hey I want to fuck you”.
Once I realized this was hurtful to the one woman I am madly in love with – which I’m actually quite ashamed as someone who thinks I’m pretty decent at picking up on social cues – once I realized it, I just stopped it.
It gave me an opportunity actually to look at how I interact on Tumblr in many ways, not just subtle things like clicking Like on a selfie. At the end of the day I came to one conclusion: create a scenario with the roles reversed, where she is clicking Like on some dudes junk. Fuck. Just the thought makes cringe. What the fuck was I thinking? What an idiot I was. How could I not see this?
Tumblr is a weird playground that sometimes you need to step back and go “what really is okay?” Clearly, my blog is tailored to a female demographic, primarily of intellectual submissive women and some thoughtful dominant men as well, but mostly women. It’s very easy to blur the lines but just being friendly in a sexually-charged environment.
She was and is understanding enough to know my heart is in the right place when it comes to her, even if my actions were off in this case. But that is part of why I love her. She is a different type of person from anyone I have ever known in many ways. She sees the drivers behind actions, intellectualizes things, processes it, feels the emotion but incorporates the logic, communicates it all, and it is actually quite beautiful to see her mind work in such a pattern.
God, Kitten. I fucking love you.
So anyway, to the person that asked this, I’d say give him the benefit of the doubt at first – Tumblr is easy to become desensitized to and fall into habits of just doing what you always did, like clicking “Like” on someone’s selfie.
But still be resolute when communicating with him and hold him accountable moving forward. Maybe share this with him. We are not perfect; nobody is. If his heart is in the right place, I am guessing you already know that. If not, you know that too.
“How do you overcome jealousy and insecurity?” You don’t have to. You didn’t do anything wrong and maybe in his heart, he didn’t really either, so just work through it and move on.
Maybe one positive way to look at it is like this – we all make mistakes. They make us who we are. How we move forward and grow from them is really the way you measure the content of your, and his, character. So this is an opportunity if you look at it like that.