I am really, really sorry that your situation is like that. I would say couples therapy needs to be your focus, but you already know that. You have to be the one to make the appointments. You have to be the lead here & see it through.
Since that Ask is a deep question, I am going to just dig into one little nugget that you said and hope it helps get you there.
You mentioned his iPad. Now I know this is a peripheral part of your Ask, but I can’t advise on something that requires sessions, like the whole thing, so let’s just look at one thing – the unhealthiness of devices.
This is one area that I think psychologists and other social scientists are still learning a lot about – Device Addition / Cell-Phone Addiction. – and the impacts, long and short term that they have on our brains, our relationships, et cetera.
If you really think about it – it has to be fucking up our cognitive processes, including how a man’s libido is behaving. Using a device is the antithesis of human evolution and in many ways that it is really hard to not emphasize with people who are addicted, to some degree. So because of that – if he is addicted to this iPad – I highly suggest you take the road less traveled and try to sympathize with this addiction and help correct it.
You may have all the love in the world; you guys just don’t get to experience it.
Take one example. Say for example, your kid walks up and asks you, “what is the capital city of Montana?” 15 years ago, you would reached back into your memory bank and said, “Billings? Nah. Helena! Yep. Wait. Is it? Yeah. Has to be Helena.” then you proceed to say “Oh yeah!! Big Balla in the Hizzy!!!”, as you perform your super lame dad dance and your kids laugh at you for essentially knowing nothing valuable. Sorry Montana. New state motto: “You can have all the trees in the world, but you need more house representatives than senators to be a real state. Let’s start fucking.”
But nowadays? You’d fucking Google it.
Nowadays – face it, many of our brains have become shit. If your husband spends that much time with his face in an iPad, there is a decent chance, there is a decent chance his is too.
Maybe not and I am just blabbing.
Either way – I am hoping the best for you. Chin up.