I am so so so sorry, sweetheart. Please, tell me, in private. I’d be more than happy to be your friend.
In case you don’t, I will just say what I feel about the situation. I assume, when you say abusive, you are referring to physical abuse. If so, you have to get out, no matter what the reasons holding you there are. I am a firm believer in one rule in relationships: all issues can be worked out, with the exception of one – physical abuse. This kind of thing almost always escalates and escalates and it either leaves a person dead, a person in jail, or sometimes just as bad, a person emotionally scarred for life. Find the courage. Ignore the reasons why you stay. Get out. If you need a support network, and you will, swallow your pride and find it down at the local smaller church. Walk straight up to the pastor, explain your situation, and how you just need people right now. You don’t have to stay at that church forever; you don’t even have to believe. But there is a community of readily available, good people willing to help. But you need to take the first step.
If it’s not physical, but psychological abuse, then it can be just as devastating, but at least you won’t end up dead. Still, leave. Immediately. Don’t waste time. No excuses. Men like that will never change. You will always be the victim and it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Go. Leave. Now.
There are programs and networks out there for women like you, set up, by women like you, who have come out on the other side and wanted to be available to help. Find them. They exist all over the place. I’ll help you find them too.
I hope you message me.