I suggest you read this post on women not achieving orgasm when they feel they should.
First off, I wouldn’t blame yourself entirely. No knock on your Daddy but if you can achieve a clitoral orgasm on your own, there is little control over your own choice in the matter if done right. A fast wet tongue on your clit for five minutes and I highly doubt that it is “in your head”. Some people cannot achieve orgasm at all (anorgasmia), and that really was who the post was more written for. It sounds like you can, just not from oral.
Secondly – can a guy be “into it” without giving a woman an orgasm? I can speak for myself because most guys are “into it” and don’t care about the woman’s experience all that much.
For me, the best part of sex with my girl is just being one with her. I like that I give her orgasms but it would be intense regardless, so if I could not give her any, I’d be okay with it. For me, it’s not about that. It nice, but I really care more about being close and making her feel good.