I got some really moving messages that I wanted to share here, based on the writings on rape play and consent-nonconsent post from earlier.
Thank you for blogging the rape post. As a survivor, it means a lot that you brought the issue forward.
Not many people realize that it doesn’t need to be violent for it to be a violation. It just needs to be unwanted.
I’ve had the sad experience of both. The non-violence, somehow, is worse. It shatters trust on a level that cannot be explained and can never be mended.
I still second-guess my decisions and am cynical about all relationships. Can I trust this person? Can I trust my gut-instinct? Can I take the risk?
It never ends. Nor do the nightmares.
Your piece on rape play was amazingly thoughtful and shows how a true dom should be. I definitely love and appreciate your blog and I hope to see more ?
I see the results of people whom I love or care about, having had to experience sexual abuse, from family and friends to relationships, to pretty much everything in between, even men I know. I think because this blog has a decent following I will always feel some sense of obligation to tell men, especially men trying to be “Doms” but new to the world, that aggressive sex and raping somebody are two completely different things and some of you younger guys may have a hard time making that distinction.
Rape or any consent violation is never okay; nonconsent playing is one thing that can be fine with the right communication up front, but don’t use D/s as your fucking BS reason to be a rapist. You can be rough, even play with nonconsent if discussed first in detail, but it’s important to know when No is No and to honor safewords because if you don’t, guess what – you are a rapist.
Personally, I don’t get this drive, and I am rough in bed. I want her to want me “so fucking bad”, so taking something from somebody seems so far from what feels right it floors me this shit happens at all. It sure the fuck is far more masculine to make a woman crumble and get wet in her desire for you than to take something from her against her will. If you can’t make your woman ache for you, you’re pretty pathetic in the first place.