Note: I wanted to put out a series of posts that follow a similar theme, to provide women with a personal view into the mind of a man on a series of topics. The aim is to allow you to understand what is going through our heads as men (or at least my head) on certain very intimate acts like fingering, eating pussy, and penetration. I especially explore the thoughts that come to us at the moment while the act is taking place. These will be tagged #one mans perspective .
Alright. Butt sex.
Now I know some of you ladies are all “no way” and some of you are all like “yeah way”, when it comes to anal sex. Please table the Hemingway references for later. We don’t have time for your sarcasm Miss Touchy – we are gonna dive deep and hard, smashing right into the highly-sensitive topic of butthole jamming, pulverizing the delicate topic with no regard for tomorrow.
Sounds hot, doesn’t it? What, no?
Shoosh now. I know you meant Thank You., so you are very welcome, Miss Tumblr.
Now before some of you give me your opinion of how I am wrong (refer to dipshit comments on “perspective: eating pussy”), please remember I am only speaking for the rest of the world who isn’t you and nobody wants to hear your dumb opinion anyways.
Now that we have that all settled, let’s go gangbusters on the ass basket. Really give it a good dive, penetrating it hard and rough and with no care for the…the innuendos are beginning to make me cringe.
Anyways, first up…
Lube vs Saliva. Now some of you may not remember the landmark court case of Lube v. Saliva all that well, so I will remind you – Lube won 5 to 4.
Yep, if given the option, my opinion is you should always side with “what feels best for her”, and some watery mountain spit isn’t doing a damn thing for her after the tenth thrust, so just come prepared with some lube and her memory of your behemoth flesh monster may be one that brings a smile and not a recoil.
Now for the what’s going on the “in my mind part” – you know, the Perspective – I try – or we, as men try and should – to make this transition unspoken in the moment. To have that lube out of sight of her, while you are eating her pussy or fingering her, and you slip it into your hand unbeknownst to her.
The reason is this – I never want to take away from the experience of “pleasure” from her, so I am the only one even aware of the lube. You get sticky lube hands – she gets “oh damn this feels good.” Real men know this thought and mental process all too well – boys, they are wondering WTF right now.
Now, this is the only time spit beats lube. In fact, it was what ended up being the foundation in the closing arguments in Lube v. Spit.
Ease Up, Geronimo. The biggest stupid move I hear from the Touchy Demographic is a horror story about how some young, overzealous moron treated her ass like a wet pussy and thrust deep and hard right away. Trying to prove he was “all man” while he got to enjoy the tightness of her all while she is in a mindset of “fuck this hurts so bad what I am doing? This guy is an idiot.”
So like the old adage which I just made up goes Slow, Pressure, Wait, Pressure, Pop, Wait, Wait, Slow, Push, Hold, Then Slowly at first. It may help to remember it as an acronym SPWPPWWSPHTS. Ok, but seriously ease in and let her adjust to you.
Anyways, nice and easy wins the race, at least at the beginning so for fuck’s sake – literally – for the sake of fuck – buttfuck to be more specific – let her ass adjust to you and then gradually pick up the pace. How is this not obvious?
Ass Foreplay. Don’t give a fuck if you can’t get past this mental barrier of eating ass, but to tongue a woman’s sweet little rosebud is a joy – it feels amazing to her and if something is going to up my standing in her memory book of men she fucked, then I am doing it, whatever “it” is.
So man the fuck up, push those sexy little ass cheeks aside, live a little, and break down that little sexy lady’s ass like a fucking man.
Personally, my mindset is a fucking blur when I get here. My eyes are on her and she is getting a tickle like no other so this is when bringing her Clit or G spot into play while I tongue her ass and she just went into the stratosphere.
Finger her ass too, especially before penetration. It helps to get her prepared for the main event so you can go Geronimo much sooner and you get to hear those sweet beautiful words sooner. Those sweet words of course being, “Daddy. Fuck my ass harder now”, to which I retort, “Daddy’s got you, Kitten.”
The Mindfuck. Well, this is where good anal goes to “holy fucking hell I want to marry this guy.” Good anal, in and of itself, is well – good anal. I want the anal sex I give a woman to make her want to introduce me to her parents.
Yep, I want more than to be remembered as merely good. I want her to lose her fucking mind from the moment I kiss her until the moment I put her head on my chest – so I up my game.
I tell myself in the moments when I’m inside her that there is always something more I can do.
Yes Kitten, there always is. There always is.
I reach for the recesses of my mind while I see her in bliss and stuff two fingers inside her pussy and motion “come here, Kitten, I got something for ya” right up inside her and I feel her wetness flood my masculine hands with my hard cock filling her ass.
I do so long enough to wipe her out and then I wipe her out again.
Next, like Future in 8 Mile I tell myself “DJ, Spin That Shit”, and I mix a record across her clit and watch her flip the fuck out yet once again but in a whole new way and pretty soon I just made Miss No Way joins the club of girls who absolutely love anal sex. Wedding bells are ringing for Miss Lose Her Mind.
Step into my world Kitty Cat and you’ll be singing a different tune as I change your perception of why anal is fucking amazing when done right.
And Done Right is my only way, so just lean back and let run your world.
The Obligation. Now, for you ladies. You didn’t think that you get to walk away from this How To extravaganza that is all set up to make you feel amazing free and clear of obligation, did you?
You have a responsibility – as my first mate of the SS Buttsex – and that responsibility sailor is to keep the poop deck clean. Didn’t want to hear that? Oh well. Guys don’t want to hear they suck at eating pussy but they should still hear it, wouldn’t you agree? So let’s play grown-up for a moment and talk a little about what the fuck you should do so I am dry heaving. Good thing for you, it really is almost nothing at all.
Most people worry about this more than they need to and a little anatomy lesson and a baby wipe should set your mind at ease.
God, I hate talking about poop. Eh. Anyways…guess I have to now. First up, Maybe learn a thing or two about butt anatomy for starters. I can’t write about “this shit” without giving myself the heebs so I just pulled an excerpt that says what I’d say from the link above. Thank God for copy and paste.
“Let’s start with an anatomy lesson. The rectum and anal canal, which is where you’re heading if you’re having anal sex, are passageways, not storage areas. This is not where feces are stored (that’s higher up). If you’ve had a healthy bowel movement that day and you do a little external wash up (maybe put your finger inside your anus a little way while your washing), there shouldn’t be more than minute fecal matter in your rectum.”