Greetings and salutations! This little piece of my “two cents” is in reference to your recent post about saying I love you. At first I was just going to reblog it and put my feelings below it but you got really long winded and kind of went off on a tangent. Plus, I just don’t think it would’ve been proper to put what I have to say beneath yours rather, I would just write a new post so my followers could see and maybe tag you in the post? I don’t know if you follow me and if you don’t that’s fine too. My blog used to be all porn but I’ve burnt out on the D/s and the sex so now it’s just a hodge podge. I’ve decided to just message you my response and if after only a few sentences you get sick of hearing what I have to say and just delete it, that’s cool too. First, before I begin, I have to say that I really enjoy your blog. I like smut, even if most days I can’t even admit it to myself. More over I love the idea of D/s…please don’t take my response as an attack on you or your beliefs, I am thankful for your post and the chance to be able to voice my opinion. Debate and Dialog is healthy for the mind, even if after all is said and done, we agree to disagree.
Ok, here it goes: You are one stingy bastard when it comes to saying I love you! I understand what you’re saying and agree, most folks use the phrase all to often. They love everything and everybody, but here’s the thing, some are just that way. They really do feel and express love to the point where it’s sickening. Kinda like pepto-bismal. The fault lies in the fact that they expect and sometimes demand the phrase be said (and felt) back to them. Forcing anyone to do anything is just wrong. “I have always had a hard time with people that use those three words in sequence, so carelessly. I don’t know why, but they just irritate me.” Your quote, and you do know why. You just made a really long post about it. You have no problems expressing yourself, I got the feeling that this was a prompt for debate. I was once that person who said I love you alot. I grew up happy, carefree and bubbly…I really did love everything. I learned early on how to sort that love as well, categories and degrees. In the back of my mind I also had the idea of “the one.” I loved that person too even if I had no idea of who he was and for that “one” it would be more than love because there would be no way to verbally express how I felt about that person. Once I was grown and in the military I learned how to scale back and really control what I said, especially I love you. It’s not that I didn’t feel it or meant it at that specific moment in time but the person I’d say it to would not understand. To this day I rarely feel understood but that is a story for another day. I found another word to express my feelings… I adore you. I married my best friend and I love him but he is not “the one" and I’m ok with that. I have beautiful children who have taught me pure love in addition to all the other types of love out there. Through my extensive research, I realize that D/s is intricately tied into my idea of “the one.” Kinky fuckery is what I have now in my marriage and I love it, I know there is more but I also know that it may never happen. I’ve had to come to terms with it and still love. “If you can’t be with the one you love then love the one you’re with.”
In closing, I say I love you still, all the time. We only live once or remember one lifetime at a time so why not? What does it hurt for someone to know how you feel at that moment in time? When my father died I lost the ONLY person who has ever loved me unconditionally and I still feel guilty for not saying I love you enough. ~A.
@aithniesfire My response…
I swear to God Tumblr’s mobile app can lick my balls. I wrote a long reply to this and it just hung and I lost it all. Let’s try and recreate it.
Before I reply I wanted to thank you for your views and expressing them. On whether I follow your blog, no I had not but I do now. I have to compliment you on your header choice; I watched one thing on the TV over the course of last week and it was The Breakfast Club, but I have one part I just cannot get past. What the fuck was John Hughes thinking in that one scene where – for maybe 3 seconds – when Emilo Estevez shatters glass with his scream? Like dude, seriously this masterpiece of teenage emotion and then this lame sequence. Whatever I guess.
So, to the meat of your response. I assume since you sent this as a submission you don’t mind my reply in public? If so, please contact me and I’ll delete this.
I’ll do my best to respond to your sentiments and I don’t think we disagree as much as you may think we do, or maybe you don’t. Thank you for the compliment on the blog as well.
First up, yeah I suppose I am a stingy bastard with the I Love You’s, but don’t get it wrong – with family, everyone hears it every day multiple times a day. I am very expressive with the people I love and they feel it, so I don’t want to imply that I am not.
Next, on “some are just that way”, referring to people who say it to every single boyfriend or girlfriend they have, I guess this is where we may not see eye to eye. I am sure they say it; but I don’t think they really mean it. Not in the same way I explained it and mean it. To me this is sacred. If somebody has said “I Love You” to a dozen people, I am willing to bet they have some serious detachment issues too. I am not knocking people who do, but on this topic, they are diminishing something special. But you kind of implied the same thing (i.e. they expect and sometimes demand the phrase), so maybe we see things similarly.
I don’t mean to say it is wrong to say to a friend either. I am a guy. You were in the military, so you know what guys are like around each other. It is just not in most our DNA or even the type of social settings we create, but if some guys says it to each other, I don’t see it wrong. My critique was on romance, not friend or family I Love Yous. I am sure there might be a case where I told a cousin I loved them, and my cousins are my best friends.
Regarding the husband thing, I am not sure how to respond on that so I will leave it be and congratulate you on being a mother. I imagine you, as thoughtful as you are, to probably be an exceptional one. Few people take the time to see viewpoints in as much depth as you, and that characteristic is a essential to be a good mom.
On the “extensive research” on D/s being tied to the idea of “the one”; I guess this is where we disagree. I was a psyche major for a while so I am familiar enough with social “research”. I personally am skeptical on research on any subjective matter involving the mind and heart. At the end of the day, a study done is still just a philosophy by somebody who went to school a few more years longer and is trying to fill his or her time doing some “research”. I say this because nobody knows what D/s or any relationship matter means to you but you and you alone. I was always a “the one” kind of person; always. D/s never impacted that. I am well aware most sociologists believe that the idea of “the one” is nonsense and that through selective processes we decrease the odds by sheer math of finding a mate (i.e. race, height, weight, country of origin, age, educational background, etc), but nobody knows what is in your heart and when there is a metaphysical connection, none of that shit matters. You know it; all the university blowhards can suck it because they really don’t know shit anyways and are just offering a best guess.
I am really really sorry you don’t have your father with you; I believe one day one day you will again. The bond between a good father and a daughter is one of the most beautiful things in this world, but there are other people that do love you unconditionally – you own. Trust me on that. No matter what, if you love your kids and are a good mom, they will will have your back no matter what in the end. If you don’t, they won’t but I get the feeling you do. They may be little shits from time to time but they will always have Mama’s back. My mom could go on a killing spree and I’d be the one there defending her and telling everyone else to fuck off. She is and was the most amazing and loving parent I have ever seen; my old man can suck it. It’s all about how you are towards them.
Thank you @aithniesfire for the chance to dive a little deeper.