Do guys still not shave their balls? That question is rhetorical because I hear far too often about Mrs. Bored Housewife having to go downstairs to find the basement hasn’t been vacuumed, in like fucking decades.
Seriously for the few men reading this. Pay attention. There is never, ever, ever an ok moment to have a ton of hair on your nuts. Period. Unless of course, you want to suck them yourself. Then, by all means, crouching tiger yourself and take a picture and send it here so I can post it on my blog.
Can’t suck your own nuts? Then just get used to the idea of a razor a few times a week up against the old twig and berries. Besides, honestly, it just feels better. A nice tight pair of family jewels encased in softness hugging your chones. Feels great.
Seriously how can you expect a pussy to be shaved when your undercarriage looks like the Rainforest Cafe?
Fuck that. I want her spending some time down there. Make a day of it. Balls. Asshole. Yeah, that’s right. Daddy keeps it nice and tight everywhere, and above all, clean.
Call me metro? I don’t give two shits. When I’m yanking a woman’s hair with my other hand around her neck and anger veins beating from my face I think that whole “effeminate” idea will be out the window.
My routine goes like this. Shave anything that a tongue might get anywhere near. Dash of powder spray on the nuts, ass, and chest. Antiperspirant under the arms. Versace Blue on the chest, stomach, neck, wrists, and shirt. Shower at minimum once a day, no exceptions, usually twice. AM to wake up and PM to freshen up. I never fucking smell bad.
You dumb fucking couch potatoes with stinky nuts are the reasons Tumblr is full of unfulfilled wives. Enjoy SportsCenter with your hand down your hairy, smelly basket of disgusting.
Call me metro. Go ahead. You should remember that when your wife sends a picture of her wet fingers inside herself to a man like me while Chris Berman feeds you the same shit he told you last night. Your team sucks. Your wife is fucking the pool boy. Your nuts stink.
Fucking men. This shit is too easy with morons like you out there.