Whaddup it me ?? hope you’ve had a good day! Thoughts on people comparing BDSM to abuse? I was scrolling through tumblr aimlessly and came across a post by a blog that I used to respect stating that it’s basically abuse/rape etc, evidenced by selecting ‘symptoms’ of sub drop and Dom drop which are also associated with sexual assault (along with emotionally charged language for good measure) and it really ruffled my feathers. Wondering your thoughts on this?
I wanted to say “well, let’s hear them out” or listen to the argument on behalf of saying BDSM or D/s is a form of abuse, which I suppose is their contention. I have heard other people attempt to make this claim, even some scholars, but in the end, I have a hard time believing that in any way.
Now the one point I do think people who are making that argument do have which is valid is that BDSM or other types of rough play, can be used by people who are abusive as a tool, but so can vanilla sex. It’s called rape or molestation, and it doesn’t require anything other than lack of consent to be abusive.
The point is, it’s not the BDSM that in itself is abusive, but the person’s intent.
Anyone who truly has dove into a D/s relationship knows it is marked by intense levels of respect, consent, passion, and adoration for one another, simply for the fact that these two people are exposing a vulnerable side otherwise not found in some vanilla relationships. Although, I want to be careful and state that I am not saying vanilla relationships cannot be just as intense. Also, the sex in D/s often includes BDSM sometimes, but not always.
The basic point is this – two consenting adults having sex however they feel makes their experience most passionate and seals their bond best is the antithesis of abuse.
I personally would never lift a hand to a woman, ever. I don’t even ever have the slightest urge to raise my voice. I am just not built that way. Never have been. But I’ll put a hand around her throat while I am fucking her, but that is because it’s a consensual passionate act. I know it doesn’t make logical sense, but this intensity still brings us closer. And on consent itself, I’d never want sex unless I ‘felt wanted’. It’s super important to me to ‘feel wanted’. So consent for me is completely essential and the opposite of it creeps me the fuck out. I’d never want to ‘take’ anything that at a fundamental level wasn’t wanted by her to be given.
Some people, you just never will reach because they will voice their opinions well before they attempt to experience something. That is just idiots being idiots: professing to know something while not really knowing it. Happens in every facet of life.