Honestly, when it comes to more in-depth BDSM questions, I tend to point people over to @instructor144 because in my opinion, he is the end all and be all of advice in D/s relationships and far more knowledgeable than I am. I have no problem recognizing that and I’d rather be thoughtful with your intimacy than feed you some lame response to something I don’t really know firsthand.
That being said, collaring means different things to different people; if pet play is involved then it is different than how I have personally dealt with it, hence my reluctance to provide a complete answer to your question.
In my experience with collars, it’s been just another bondage toy similar to cuffs, nipple clamps, rope, Hitachi, and a blindfold. It’s hot to slap a collar on a woman and incorporate the leash, hold her by it during sex and foreplay, and pull her to you when having sex, but I don’t personally desire to walk her around the room like a pet, but I would never say there is anything wrong with somebody who does enjoy that. Pet play is just not a turn on for me.
I would definitely ask your dom, before you do it, or anything, “what it means to him”. Maybe he sees it like me, in which case it’s not really that big of a deal. It’s less scary than cuffs, in my opinion. But if it invites a new type of kink, you should communicate beforehand so that you are comfortable with it.
Hope that was helpful.
As I was going through my old asks, I see this as a perfect example of how I have a evolved and grown because if that were asked today, I would have had a completely different answer.
Before, it was just another kink item and carried with it no real emotional significance.
Now however, I see collaring in some ways as somewhat similar to marriage but certain aspects even more intimate. Now, to me it implies a commitment should people decide to do that which is unbreakable until they agree otherwise. Until the Dom releases the sub, or the sub decides to end it because it’s not good for her own self like with any relationship.
For example, if your dominant is an abusive piece of shit who has collared you in the relationship sense, you still have the right to leave and you should and I think a lot of people get stuck believing they don’t have that right.
Now that understand in a completely different way, I believe people shouldn’t take collaring lightly and I think if you do it, you should be serious about it.
I don’t see this and just wearing a collar during sex as being the same thing. To me, she wears a collar all the time, although it doesn’t have to be an actual collar. Maybe it’s subtle as a necklace or a bracelet or an anklet or even some people decide on permanent ink. On top of this there are various types of collars from training to play to discrete day collars. They all signify different things but to me something is very profound should you decide to go down this path.
Looking back at my initial response, I am somewhat ashamed but at the same time proud that I am able to continue to keep an open mind and grow as an individual. Often people at my age are set in their ways and for some reason I’ve never been like that.
I have always been well aware that I have room to grow and as long as I keep an open mind and peoples feelings at the forefront, and be a good person, I am comfortable with that. I am comfortable knowing that six months from now I will have answered this house a little bit different as well. In six months after that.
Be good to people is the key ingredient.