I have no idea. I don’t judge people for what they do in their relationships though. Some people can make threesomes work, multiple sub/doms, have open relationships, or a handful of other scenarios that I know would not work for me. The fact that they found a way that works for them is great, but it is not how I am built inside.
This is how I see love and passion, in a nutshell: intimacy includes D/s for the escalated emotional and physical connection, but D/s sex is not the cornerstone, in an of itself.
To me, the end goal needs to be total and complete emotional vulnerability. Falling head over heels for another and the same exact level of vulnerability must be reciprocated or it denigrates the act of giving my heart and mind to another, or it denigrates the other person’s giving efforts. You cannot force this I have found; it happens or it doesn’t. 99 out of 100 times, it doesn’t.
Then and only then, will the physical intimacy take you to a level you never imagined could exist, when you seal that bond in a somatic and spiritual manifestation, which for me, looks like rough passionate sex.
Dominance and submission, in my eyes, is a very powerful demonstration of this and the only way I truly can let myself release on the highest level. I lead a calm and reserved life in business, which means I need to be logical and make sure emotions are at bay all day long.
Sex to me, is the only time in my life where I get to dive straight into emotions at the highest level and stay there. D/s is the tool that gets me there, by embracing anger, passion, lust, and of all the other red emotions.
So to answer your question: I don’t know how people do it. But I suspect they do not look at D/s in the same light I do, which is as a tool to get closer.
To me, I wouldn’t just want some hole. It’s about intimacy, at the most vulnerable level, or I’d rather jerk off and get some work done.